For the Mama's, Mama's to be and Mama Supporters

Recently I took a Pre/Postnatal Yoga Teacher Training. I walked into the room took my seat on my mat and listened as everyone introduced themselves and talked about what brought them here. I thought to myself “Awe this is so sweet and cozy, maybe I’ll find that urge to have a second baby!” By the end of the first night I was sure I was going to have reoccurring nightmares about child birth and had confirmed once again that no, I will not be putting my body through that again!

Our facilitator was the lovely Amy Bidrman. She defines a woman who has found her purpose in life. She can not stop talking about childbirth or listening to everyone’s stories, questions or theories. She is genuinely interested and curious about every aspect of it. She was so eager to share her years of connections, and understandings with us. It was beautiful to witness someone so passionate about their profession. If you are ever given the chance to connect with Amy, do, she will inspire you. www.amybidrman.com

I left the teacher training much like I did my very first teacher training; feeling more inadequate than I did going in! There is so much to learn and so many layers to investigate I don't know where to start. I’ll give it a few months to settle in, I think, before I decide where this will lead me.

I was unprepared for the journey I would take back in time during this weekend. It brought back so many memories of my daughter’s birth. It was only 14 months ago but I had forgotten a lot of it. I forgot about the support I had before and after. The amazing teachers I had that taught me so much and led me down a path I can’t even believe I took. I had a natural home birth in a pool, my midwife called it epic. It sure felt epic!!

My husband and I play it safe in every aspect of our lives, home birth was not an option, that was for hippies. Yes, I’m a yoga teacher and grew up in the Kootenays and you probably think I was striving to give birth on my own in a forrest under a full moon. But I would have checked into the hospital and accepted an epidural on drip at 3 months if I was allowed. Good thing they don't allow this and I had 9 months to educate myself and rethink my decisions. My husband is risk averse in every way. We don’t just have a smoke detector on every floor, we have one in every room. We also have ladders for the windows in each bedroom and he sleeps with a baseball bat under the bed even though we have a fully functioning alarm system. My point is what we thought would be our path through pregnancy changed drastically the more we educated ourselves.

I’m so grateful I stumbled upon our midwife. How she chose us out of a pile of applications I will never know. In Alberta waitlists for Midwives are long and funding for midwives is scarce. If it was not for Babil, our midwife, her patience to answer our never ending questions, her follow up emails full of unbiased articles and statistics, her confidence & passion for her profession we would have left all the basic decisions up to a doctor. We would have assumed they knew best. Don’t get me wrong, doctors are knowledgeable too, it was my doctor who encouraged me to seek care of a midwife if possible. The level of one-on-one care you receive is so much greater. You are likely to see 3 or more doctors by the time you’ve given birth. Your midwife sees you thorough it all and then some! Midwives even deliver babies in hospitals, they are not just for those seeking a home birth. I think this is the most common misconception I come across.

Doulas were another great resource for us. I didn’t end up having a Doula attend my birth but I had connections with two who met with us for coffee before and after baby arrived to answer loads of questions and concerns and played out what if scenarios. Alexia Woodley is a Doula and a prenatal yoga teacher. She was bubbly and loving. I attended her prenatal yoga classes and was always happy to enter that room and share how I was doing that particular week. Having a connection with other women who were in the same boat does wonders for you emotionally even if you don't know their name! Alexia was so honest and sincere with her advice, reassuring us that we knew what was best for our family.

A friend of ours is a labour & delivery nurse and a trained Doula, her name is Lilien . She is another person I believe has truly found her passion in life, delivering babies. She met with us before and after baby was born and again answered all our questions and helped with breastfeeding.

I think what struck me most about my memories that came flooding back was that how, even with all the research we had done and all the support we had, I had no idea how hard it would be emotionally & physically. I needed help and lots of it. For me, the 6 months after my daughter was born was the hardest part of it all. It was the hardest thing I have ever done. It’s true that you look at your baby and its all worth it, your good memories out weigh the bad and you wouldn't give her back if you could. But when you are in the thick of it none of that matters. The best advice we got was from my husband’s co-worker who said “Take any and all help offered, now is not the time to be polite”. My husband had taken two weeks off but we honestly thought one week would be more than enough. In the end he took the two weeks and soon after took a month leave from work.

I think the first child is shocking for everyone, you don't have any frame of reference. If you do it a second time you can brace yourself for it a bit better and you know it will pass. Recently at Chloe’s daycare I had a conversation with a mother who said her son was her “one and only”. I said, “Yeah, Chloe is our one and only too”. She looked at me as if she had just found a soulmate and said “no one tells you how hard it really is do they?!” It’s true. I think in part because we honestly forget what it’s like, but I also think we just prefer not to talk about it. It’s not really polite conversation. Who knows, had someone described in detail how overwhelming it would be I still may not have clued in, how can you even understand it if you haven't gone through it?

I think most people find the information they need at each point in pregnancy, all the information is at our finger tips these days. I hope everyone also finds a compassionate ear, a helping hand and friend to help them through the hardest parts.

Love to all you Mama's, Mama's to be and Mama supporters xxx