An Unexpected Spiritual Journey

Stephanie Jones
Apr 24, 2017
4 min read

A little over a year ago I had one of those moments where you give yourself permission to do something and you know it’s only the tipping point. I can remember the whole 3 seconds like it was yesterday. What I was wearing, where I was standing, what kind of day it was. I gave myself permission to explore my spirituality. I really thought I was giving myself permission to feel ok about my husband singing in a church choir. (My husband is Welsh and the Welsh love to sing, preferably in a choir.)

Anyway, I’ve yet to step foot into a church, but I did step into my first yoga teacher training and that opened the door for me to journey down an unexpected spiritual path that would take me into a deep examination of myself. I’ve lived most of my adult life closed off to any spiritual path thanks to a distorted belief system steaming from a childhood of strict religious upbringing that strongly discouraged any questioning or allowing a way of thinking that might not to be compatible with the “church”.

I was never ok with this way of thinking, but for some reason I couldn't allow anything else spiritual in. I even felt funny about being in a church for my nephew’s christening. As you grow up you don't even realize it is happening, but you are developing a belief system that operates your life. The operating system blocks you from doing things, even things you know you want to do or want to understand. It’s like you know it’s there for you (whatever it is) but you can’t grasp it, it’s just out of your reach. Your belief system is very intelligent and vigilant at protecting you from what it perceives as danger. It takes really hard work to identify those limiting beliefs and change them. You have to make your mind up that the old way no longer serves you.

For me it happened because I hit rock bottom. I had to make a choice to live. Today I feel both fortunate and grateful to have gone through some very trying and dark years as a child and young adult, when life was not kind to me. During these times I developed all kinds of beliefs that were unhealthy. I became so depressed I could not get out of bed. I only left the house when I was sure I wouldn't interact with anyone. I believed the world was so dangerous I would never bring a child into it. I believed no-one was happy, life was only cruel and disappointing, I was so sad. But one day I got so sick of myself and living this way that I said “Just make a decision. If you’re going to live then f***ing live!”

This was another tipping point for me. Again, I remember everything about that moment, where I was sitting, what kind of day it was, what I was wearing, what it felt like to choose life! It was like a light switch had been turned on. It’s been 9 years since that moment, it feels like many life time’s ago as I write this. I don't recognize that person, their life, their way of thinking seems so foreign. Today I sit here so in love with my life, full of love for myself, my husband and my child. I feel like the world is our oyster and I am only full of contentment, gratitude, joy and enthusiasm for life. I’ve healed, I’ve changed, I’ve gone deep and come out the other side.

I did this by exploring my limiting beliefs. Patterns deep within my subconscious that needed to be ripped out and rearranged. I spent a year in an intense cognitive therapy program, I had no idea this was spiritual work, to me it was clinical. At the time had I known it was spiritual I would have run the other way. It was a total reset of myself, and layer by layer the old life fell away and a new one emerged. Each layer more beautiful, more vibrant than the next. It’s a continual journey, always learning and resetting, adding another layer. Life is not perfection, we all have ups and downs to varying degrees - that’s the nature of the human experience. Sometimes life is turned upside down, sometimes the saddest events happen, sometimes I behave in alignment with old patterns, but I have a peace and acceptance for what is, I have a new way of navigating life that has created my new way of existing and of interacting with the world. It’s brought me to my self, a deep knowing of who I am, my spiritual centre.

By giving myself permission to explore my spirituality I was given the opportunity to delve deep into the study of Yoga Nidra. A yoga practice that has allowed me to continue untangling my limiting beliefs, to dive into my own subconscious and change my belief system, releasing me from the patterns that are holding me back, that no longer serve me. I love everything yoga has brought into my life but this has to be the most sacred gift yet. I have shared some reading material below that I have enjoyed on the science of our limiting beliefs and the practice of Yoga Nidra.

I share this story in the hope it inspires you to take a closer look at your spiritual side, and to reconsider what spirituality means to you. The path is different for everyone, there is no right or wrong way to do it, but it’s so with the effort!

I hope I meet you on your mat.